How do I tell you these things? The only words I have seem so small and meaningless in comparison to how I feel. There are some things you just can't vocalise, and when you try.... the things you have to say don't come out eloquently or even half-right. They're just a jumble of sounds an syllables that don't mean anything at all.

But I want to try.

How can I explain what I felt when you kissed me for the first time? I didn't even want to like you. I thought that when I blew you off the first time, it would be over... just another chapter in a story that I never began... But you talked to me about how I felt. You listened to what I said. And you saw me... you saw me. Past the bullshit, past the pain, past the point of lashing out at anyone and everyone who might care about me a little, simply because people who claimed to care turned out to be lying.... you looked inside that storm, and in the middle was me. You helped me find her, when she had been lost for so long that I feared the damage was irrevocable. You repaired the part of me that he damaged. You took the hurt and the confusion and you bore it all away. And I can never repay that debt.

Do you know how scared I was the first time we made love? How much it scared me that I scared you when I cried? Those were tears of joy... so much joy in that moment. And yes, there was fear that I wouldn't be good enough for you, but mostly there was fear at feeling so very, very much for you in such a short time. And God, that first time was so beautiful. There was so much in that moment. Almost too much to take. I had never felt anything like it. The way our bodies fit together so perfectly... the way you felt inside me... that moment of delicious climax.... how we came together. Even though it was the first time and we were both scared, we were so attuned to each other's body that we came together. God, the beauty of it takes my breath away even now. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. No one has ever touched every part of my body and made it sing. Nothing has ever made me as beautiful as the way you look at me.

The weekends are the best. For 48 wonderful hours, wherever we are, we're together. Falling asleep Sunday nights, I'm a little sad to know that I have to be without you the next day, but at the same time it doesn't matter, because right then, right there, we're together. The bed is cold after you leave... I can't sleep because you're gone. I hate the nights that you go home... I'm glad there's turned out to be so few.

I just want you to know that you're truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. There has never been anyone as perfect for me as you are, and there never will be. My whole life, everything before you... it was all just practice for something real and true: you. You know me better than anyone on earth (even my mother, and that's saying an awful lot, isn't it?)... you see all the best things about me. You know my heart and all the things that I've kept hidden from other people. No one before has held even a dim candle to you. I can't believe I ever thought I was until before now. All of that was make-believe... a child's view of what love was. This is truth. This is real. This is love. This is God's mercy for those of us who have fallen: that a true, honest love can catch you before you are too far gone... even when you think you have already hit the ground.